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Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada
Season 2, Episode 6
Screenshot (72)
Captain Red Rum and his pirate crew meet the merman Lord Tourettes.
Air date June 30, 2011
Episode run time 2:52
Episode guide
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Fang Angels
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Y U So Meme?
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Dick Figures Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada

Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada is the sixth episode of Dick Figures Season 2 and the sixteenth episode of Dick Figures. It follows Red and Blue as pirates looking for mermaids.

Plot[]

Red and Blue become pirates and face many sea trials.

Youtube Description: Red and Blue make dat ass kraken in a high seas showdown with Pink's bountiful treasures.

Characters[]

Starring[]

Supporting[]

Minor[]

  • Wenches

Transcript[]

(On a pirate ship.)

Red: ♪Ohhh, 13 flies in a dead man's ball sack, 14 holes in a seagull's kayak, 15 spots on the Mask of Rorschach! Earlye in the morning.♪ Avast ye, mate-ster. Shiver me portside and Buckle-swash the poop deck.

Blue: You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?

Red: Nope.

Blue: How can you like being a pirate? Don't you get seasick all the time?

Red: Hogwash! (throws up) (Normal voice) That's just how I sneeze. (Pirate voice) Ahoy, wenches! Blast due southward!

Wenches: Aye-aye, Captain Red Rum!

Purple Wench: (approaching Blue with a drink) Piña colada, Lieutenant Blue Balls?

(Blue sighs and drinks it.)

Blue: (thinking) Piña coladas, whatever, what a girly drink, this is really good. (ends thinking)

Red: Arr, matey, once we find a ♪real live mermaid♪, we'll be rich and famous! And handsome!

Blue: Aaaand, how are we supposed to find one?

(Red shows a fishing pole with a worm on the hook)

Blue: Really?

Pirates Women

Pink and company

Red: (casting the line into the water) Yarrr. And now we wait.

Red: (peering through binoculars) HARK! Up the Starbucks bow! (A ship full of women approaches. The captain is Pink.)

Red: Hmm, 'tain't mermaids... (pirate voice) Avast ye, scurvy bitches!

Pink: Avast ye, fucknuts, you're in our waters, now give us your gold!

Red: You're in our waters, now show us all your boobs!

Pink: Nay, hand over your plunder!

Red: Nay, reveal your teats!

Pink: Fork up the doubloon!

Red: Let fly your melons!

Pink: Give us the loot!

Battle of ships

Battle ship

Red: Gazongas!

Pink: Never!

Red: (to his wenches) Fire!

(Both ships exchange fire and Pink's ship sinks.)

Red: Hahahahaha! To Davy Jones' arse with ye!

Blue: Holy shit, dude! Did you just kill my girlfriend?!

Red: Pssh, no. 'Tain't official yet.

(Shows Blue's Facester page awaiting confirmation that Blue is in a relationship with Pink. He repeatedly refreshes the page.)

Blue: Any minute now. Any minute.

J

Blue's facester page

(Shows ship. Someone sings while line is being pulled.)

Red: Mermaid!

Blue: Mermaid?!

Raccoon: Sashimi!

Lord Tourettes (as the mermaid): Hahaha! Whoa! Why hello, young SEMEN!

Red: 'Tis an ugly mermaid.

(Lord Tourettes giggles.) thumb|222px|link=File:OMG.png

Raccoon: I would not eat-a the sushi.

(Lord Tourettes falls onto the deck and grows a pair of human legs. He laughs and Red & Blue scream.)

Blue: OH, MY GOD, HE'S GROWING A....!

Lord Tourettes: Oh, splendid! Now, I'm a real boy!

Red and Blue: SEA DEMON!

Red: Kill him!

(He shoots Lord Tourettes with a pistol, then Raccoon throws his meat cleaver at him and finally Blue pulls a string for the anchor, which hits Lord Tourettes who falls into the water and gets chased by sharks.)

Lord Tourettes: (drowning)...FUCK!...(more drowning)

Blue: Well, we found the mermaid. Can we go home now?

Red: Nay! Because, now we're handsome!

Blue: What?!

Red: Wenches, more piña coladas! (Grabs Blue's piña colada and drinks it)

Blue: Hey, that's mine!

Red: ♪If you like piña--♪

-Episode ends-

(The screen then reads "DICK FIGURES season 1 soundtrack out now on iTunes featuring a hot verse from THE RACCOON!")

Raccoon: (offscreen) What?!

(The screen reads "ONLY $2.99".)

Dick Figures Title[]

Dick Figure 21

Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada





Trivia[]

  • This is the second time Red dresses like a pirate, the first time was in Role Playas.
  • This is the first time Pink dies.
  • When Red mentions "15 spots on the mask of Rorschach", he references the hero of the same name from "Watchmen".
  • The episode unveiled the musical score soundtrack of Dick Figures Season 1 on iTunes.
  • Facester is a parody of Facebook and Friendster. Even though there is a website named Facester, it is not a social networking site.
  • Blue's wallpaper in his desktop are the turtle dragons having sex.
  • Red's ship logo is the same one of his ship in, Attack of the Pwns.
  • The woman who hit Red with a beer bottle in Panda Hat appears again in this episode on Pink's ship.
  • Red Rum spelled backwards is "Murder", which is a reference to the movie, "The Shining".
  • Red's pirate outfit is the same costume in Role Playas.
  • The rhythm of the song Red was singing in the very beginning is to the tune of a famous sea shant, "Drunken Sailor".
  • This episode made it's TV premiere with the thirtieth episode of Like, Share, Die.

Changes Made in the Like, Share, Die version[]

  • The Dick Figures title was shown in the beginning. At the end of the episode, the credits of Like, Share, Die play instead.
  • Racoon's lines were cut out.
  • Loud Tourettes shouting "FUCK!" in the water was edited out.
  • Pink's line that contained "fuck" in it is censored. Just like Stick Figures Nerve Gas Zombies & Shotguns and We're Cops!

Recurring Gags[]

Auto-Tune Use[]

None

Red Floating[]

When Red says Hogwash and "sneezes" he appears to float.

Puke

Red puking. If you look at his position, he floats.

Episode Ending[]

The "I"s in "Dick Figures" were replaced by piña coladas.

The Last Line Being Cut[]

Red was singing "Piña Coladas", first sung at the end of "Attack of the Pwns"

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