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Hardcore Chore
Season 5, Episode 2
Dick Figures - Hardcore Chore02:39

Dick Figures - Hardcore Chore


Air date September 3, 2013
Episode run time 2:39
Episode guide
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Hardcore Chore is the 2nd episode of Season 5 and the 42th episode overall.

Plot

Red loses a bet to Blue & is forced to do all of his chores... in the most hardcore manner possible.

Characters

Transcript

Red: (Sings) Mother fucking goddamn shit head, bitch!

Blue: (walks in) Dude, you curse too much.

Red: No I fucking don't.

Blue: You just did it!

Red: I don't swear that much you asshole!

Blue: Uh, you even swear in your sleep.

(Scene cuts to Red sleeping)

Red: (Snores) Fuuuuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

(Scene cuts back to Red & Blue)

Red: Maybe I would... (close up & deep voice) IF I SLEPT!

Blue: Alright, I'll make you a bet. If you don't swear for a whole minute, I'll give you 100 bucks, but if you do, you have to do my chores for the day.

Red: Fine, but if you swear, you gotta do mine.

Blue: Alright, let's do it.

Red: You're on, shit head!

(Red realizes his mistake and makes a crazed angered face as the camera spins and zooms in on his face. The next scene shows Red holding Blue's chores list and zooms in on "Go to Bank".)

(Scene cuts to Red kicking the door to the bank open while holding a handgun)

Red: Nobody move, this is a deposit!

(People in the bank run away from Red screaming)

Red: (pointing the gun at the bank teller) This check is personal!

Bank Teller: (crying) Checking or savings?

Red: (grabs a green man & holds paycheck out to the bank teller) Checking! Do it now!

Bank Teller: You sure you don't want savings?! Think about your future!

Red: All of my income is... disposable. (cocks gun)

Bank Teller: (screams) Endorse here! Endorse here! (hands Red a check, which he signs with a squiggly line)

(Scene cuts to Blue sitting on his bed at the apartment)

Blue: (smiling) Man... I wonder what I'm gonna do today. I can do anything!

READING!

(Shows Blue on his bed, reading Hobbit of Thrones)

(Scene cuts to Blue's chore list, zooming in on "Groceries")

Red: (kicks open the door to the grocery store with a handgun as people run away) Gimme all your groceries, NOW! (holding a handgun over a shopping cart as people frightfully put things in it) Put it in the cart, put it in the cart! (pointing the gun at a blue man with baseball cap & half-wheat bread) That shit better be whole-wheat!

CAT GIFS!

(Cut to Blue on the computer)

Blue: (laughs) Oh, cats!

(Shows a GIF of Kitty Amazing falling down stairs, while Blue laughs joyfully)

(Shows Blue's chore list again and zooms in on "Take Out Trash")

Red: (holding a rifle) Time to take out the trash. (shoots the rifle at the dumpster)

(The rifle's bullets ricochet off the dumpster & hit Mr. Dingleberry, who groans in pain)

Mr. Dingleberry: (holding his stomach) Ehh, I hate trash day. (dies)

ENJOYING FRESH-GROUND SINGLE-SOURCE SUSTAINABLE LOCAL FRENCH-PRESS COFFEE

(Shows Blue peacefully drinking coffee, no music)

(Shows Blue's chore list and zooms in on "Car Wash." Scene cuts to Red driving a car off of a cliff into the ocean.)

TAKING A NAP!

(Shows Blue sleeping)

(Shows Blue's chore list again and zooms in on "Feed Fish")

Red: (holding a rifle to fish tank) Eat lead. (shoots the tank, shattering it,killing the fish)

GAME OF THRONES

Blue: (sitting in front of the TV) Oh, no, Khaleesi!

(Cut to Red, exhausted as he looks at Blue's chore list.)

Red: (reads the last chore) Cleaning?! NOOOOO-er-aagh!! (he chokes, farts, and collapses)

MASTURBATING

(shows a closed door with a "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging on it)

Blue: (heard from behind door) Oooh yes, Khaleesi! (Blue opens the door, looks at the shattered walls & then looks down to see Red passed out on the floor) Red! What the fuck!?

Red: (Snaps awake and points at Blue) LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE DOING MY CHORES NOW, FRIEND-O! HA-HA-HA!!!

Blue: Aaaah, shish kababs.

(Red hands Blue his chore list)

Blue: (taking the list) Oh, pfft, I can do this.

(cut to a tombstone that reads "Blue: He Died Alone.")

(Zooms out to show Red standing behind Blue as Blue holds the chore list)

Blue: ...Aaand visit the grave Red bought for me. Done.

(Red & Blue put their hands on their hips & look at the audience)

Blue: And that's why you don't swear, motherfu-

~ Episode Ends ~

Recurring Gags

Episode Ending

Normal letter I's, the Dick Figures logo shakes, and the Episode Ending is extended. Then a promo for Dick Figures: The Movie

Red Floating

Red floats at the beginning of the episode, when he starts swearing.

Auto-tuned Usage

None.

Last-Line being Cut

When Blue said "motherfuckers," it was cut off.

Trivia

  • This is the 3rd episode that airs the week after the previous episode aired.
  • Mr. Dingleberry died for the 6th time in this episode.
  • This is the third time Red robs a bank, the first two we're "Fang Angels & "We're Cops!"
  • The website where Blue was watching the cat gif seems to be a parody of Reddit.
  • The way Red threatens the bank teller is almost similar(or same) to the way he did it in "We're Cops!",except this time He grabs a person and say very ‘s quote.
  • The episode is much like an opposite day Red doing things Blue does and vice versa.
  • This episode shows you not to swear.
  • Blue might be more badass than made out to be since he did all of Red's chores.

Censorship

  • in the song red sung, the words "Motherfucking" and "shithead" were bleeped. or most especific, "Honked".
  • The Scene while red slept was covered by elevator music

Gallery

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