|Season 3, Episode 9|
|Air date||January 12, 2012|
|Episode run time||3:39|
Kung Fu Winners
Cruisin' and boozin' on the open ocean, Red and Blue must act fast before someone drops a bomb on the poop deck.
(A cruise ship is sailing in the ocean with a yacht in front of it. The yacht is crushed under the boat and screams are heard.)
Red: Man, this is great! The sun in our face, the wind in our caps, the barf in our throats...
Blue: (seasick) Ugh...Don't remind m- (Throws up over the side of the cruise ship.)
(A peach woman with a flower in her hair and wearing a hula skirt walks up to Red and Blue.)
Woman: Moooore piña colada, sir?
Red: Hell yeah!
(He drinks the pina colada while Blue continues to throw up over the side.)
Blue: (looking up suddenly) Oooh, that one tasted tropical.
(Time lapse. Blue plays shuffleboard while Red slides past him on a puck. The Piña Colada parody song begins to play.)
Song: ♪I'm drunk off piña coladas♪
(Blue is attempting to wrestle with a clam while Red is fighting with an octopus. Red decides to just stab the octopus with a fork.)
♪Sailing out on the bay♪
(Red is sitting in a hot tub with a purple woman. Red farts and the bubbles reach the surface and pop.)
Red: Ooh! I farted!
(Red starts to make out with the purple woman, and a pink woman surfaces for air and coughs, disgusted. Blue is crying while applying suntan lotion to an elderly woman's back. The Piña Colada song continues to play in the background.)
♪Never has a mixed drink♪
Old woman: (somewhat pissed) Take the bra off!
♪Made me fee-(Time lapse.California Love plays. Red and Blue are at a bar while a dark green French man wearing a beret and holding a file sits elsewhere, watching them. The screen shows the file, where it contains the pictures of Red and Blue with their codenames.)
Red: Dude! Floating hotels are the BEST!
Blue: (drunk, or seasick) Ugh, this is the worst...
French man: Pardon moi.
Red: Who you is?
French man: (French accent) My name is Bond. Jacques Bond. I'm an agent of the French Secret Service Global Anti-Terrorism Unit.
Blue: Wait, whaaat?
Jacques: (French accent) We have intellegance that indicates a terrorist cell has plans to destroy this ship! Every secret agent in the world has gathered on this voyage to help apprehend these criminals.
Yellow Mexican agent: Mi nombres es BaJa. Juan BaJa.
Maroon Chinese agent: Ba. Shi Ba.
Light Blue Western agent: Lowe. Jimmy Lowe.
Orange Italian: My name's a-Bene, a-Gelato Bene! But I'm a-not a secret agent, I'm a-just Italiano! eeeeh?
Jacques: Quickly. There isn't much time.
(Red, Blue, and Jacques are in what appears to be a dark engine room.)
Jacques: Do yeu see anything?
Blue: Ummm. Nope!
Red: Nothing here! (scene zooms out to reveal a huge nuke.) OHP! Nope. Wait. There's a huge bomb.
Jacques: (gasps) Sacré bleu!
(A gray man wearing a bowler and a bowtie walks out of the shadows holding a gun. The gray man laughs.)
Red and Blue: SHIIT!!
Jacques: (French accent) You'll never get away with this, Gerald Butler! My fellow agents Crimson Tide and Blue Whale will surely stop you!
(Zoom out to reveal no fellow agents.)
Jacques: Le shit.
Red: Later, sucka! (Red pulls a lever.)
(A huge crate falls on top of Gerald, killing him and leaving a messy bloody stain on the floor.)
Blue: Oh, snap. Gerald Butler's dead.
Jacques: Très bien, mon ami, you've saved the entire ship!
Blue: Yeah, what about that bomb?
(Bomb explodes, blowing the ship in half and throwing Red and Blue into the water. As the ship sinks Titanic-style, people are seen slipping down the deck and a few attempt to cling onto things. Shi Ba is holding onto a ledge and is slowly losing his grip.)
Shi Ba: Oh no, oh no, I'm losing my grip! Nooooooooooooooohooooooooo! (Shi Ba loses his grip and falls into the water. On the way down, he hits one of the ship's fan blades. It makes a Chinese gong sound.)
(The ship has almost fully sunk and the name is visible: "The HMS Tragedy" and right under it "formerly HMS Iceberg Magnet". Red and Blue are holding onto a floating ship door.)
Blue: HMS Tragedy?! We should have knoooown!
Red: (a bit late, same time as Blue) We should have knoooown(!
Stella: (out of scene) Ooohohoh, oh Tedward!(the ship
(Tedward and Stella drift into scene, clinging onto a piece of driftwood.)
Tedward: (now in-scene) Oh, Stella.
Stella: We're gonna die out here, aren't we?
Tedward: Our love, can never die, which means we can never diiie.
Stella: I'm so coooold, but you're so hot.
Tedward: Hold on, to my muscles.
Stella: I'll never let goooo!
Tedward and Stella: Aaaah!
(The driftwood Tedward and Stella are holding onto sinks. After a few seconds, a frozen ice cube of Tedward and Stella french kissing rises out of the water while they are making kissing sounds. Beatific music plays momentarily.)
Red: Dude, you wanna get a hot dog?
Blue: What? WHAT?! How the hell are we gonna get a hot dog?! Look where we ARE! We're in the middle of the goddamn oce-- Oh, wait.
(The scene zooms out to reveal a hot dog stand on a beach just to the left of them. Red and Blue get out of the water and walk to the hotdog stand. The Piña Colada song starts.)
Red: Hey! Uh. Can I just get a hot dog? Uh, Two hot dogs please?
Hotdog vendor: That'll be five dollars. (He gives them the hot dogs.)
Red: Siiiick. (Red gives $5 to the vendor and hands one of the hot dogs to Blue.)
Hotdog vendor: Have a nice day.
(Red and Blue exit the scene, Red shoving the hot dog in his mouth then doing a cartwheel, Blue just normally walking. The Piña Colada song begins to play again.)
♪I'm drunk off piña coladas,
Sailin' out of the bay.
Never has a mixed drink,
Made me feel quite so gay.
If you're into the Dark Knight,
You probably like Michael Caine.
If you're not into Batman,
You probably have half a brain.♪
Dick Figures Title
- This marks the second appearance of Fang Angels characters, Stella and Tedward. Apparently, despite the fact they characters from a fictional book and movie, they are real.
- A lot of fans happen to mistaken the pink woman who was disgusted by Red's fart in the hot tub to be Pink, Blue's girlfriend. However, that pink woman had a slightly darker shade of pink (possibly salmon pink) and she had hair bangs, unlike Pink, so it isn't her.
- This marks the third time that Blue has a happy ending.
- First Dick Figures episode to air in 2012.
- The song used in this episode is a parody of Rupert Holmes' "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)".
- The picture of Red with sunglasses looks like him in his Terminator costume in Terminate-Her!
- The sinking scene appears to be a parody of the sinking of RMS Titanic as seen in James Camerons' Titanic (1997).
- In Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada, it is said by Blue that Red gets seasick all the time (or sneezing as Red calls it), but in this episode, Red doesn't vomit at all while on the ship. Instead it was Blue who gets seasick.
- To some fans surprise, a day after this episode aired, a cruise ship in Italy called the Costa Concordia sank, killing 32 people.
- Ever since the episode aired, Escape never went on iTunes.
- Jimmy Lowe is believed to be the bartender from Chug-A-Chug-A-Brew-Brew. But it may not be true since both characters may indeed sound the same in voice, but they are completely different in color and hats.
- The nuke bomb looked like a large fish.
- Gelato Bete (the Italian "secret agent") is the second character to have gel in his hair, the first being Broseph.
- This is the second time we see Red pays something (when he gives 5$ to the hot-dog vendor), the first time being in Steakosaurus when he pays The Raccoon.
- The fact that Red is paying is really special, because in Taco Tuesday, he tells Blue he never has money.
- When Red is asked if he wants a Piña Colada, he floats in the air while pointing at one.
- When Red pulls the lever to kill Gerald Butler, he floats in the air again while he slams it.
- After Red buys a hotdog, he does a floating cartwheel.
The "I"s in DICK FIGURES are replaced by a red and blue sailboat. The Piña Colada song also continues to play well after the end of the actual episode itself.
- This episode marks the first time such a thing happened.
The Last Line Being Cut