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"Uno?! Real men play poker, yo!"

–Red, Real Dudes Bros Night Man

"What a mooch!"
Vital statistics
Title Debut: The Dick Figures unaired Pilot

or The Cat teaser (Teasers)

Gender Male
Status Alive
Friends Blue (best friend and roommate), Stacy (girlfriend), The Raccoon, Lord Tourettes, Jason, Pink (tries to make out with) and various women
Enemies Pink, The Raccoon (sometimes), Blue (sometimes; on Blue's side), Broseph, Sarah Connors, Trollz0r (formerly), Earl Grey, Gerald Butler, Shi Ba, and Lord Takagami
Aliases Captain Red Rum, Emperor Red, Maroon, RedD3ATH, Terminator, Batman, Crimson Tide, The Red Devil (Diablo Rojo).
Times Dead 4 (debatable)
Voiced By Ed Skudder

Red "sneezing"
Red, or "Redward" 
is the main protagonist of Dick Figures, besides his friend Blue. He's a fun-loving guy, never seen calm, who almost never takes things seriously & loves parties & girls. He was allegedly born somewhere around 1985. He wears a backwards red cap & lives with his best friend & roommate: Blue, a calm guy who's the complete opposite of Red. He is mostly amoral except for several occasions.


Red was revealed to be an extra-terrestrial creature in First Day of Cool. In simple terms, Red might be an alien. However, Ed & Zack have stated that Red is not an alien but didn't come from earth. He may have gained his superhuman powers during his time in space.

His catchphrase's simply "Yeah, right!", but on many occasions, he's been known to yell "'Sup beeeitch!" or just "Sup bitch!". On one occasion, he says "Catchphrase" in Traffic Jams, just before he & Blue slay the Turtle Dragon.

He's also seen to be a very violent character, as he's seen killing a lot of people at Maulmart in Flame War & also in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, where he smashes through the window of a church & slaughters many innocent people with a katana.

He also makes "the perfect murder" on Broseph in Zombies & Shotguns, cutting him in half with a chainsaw & Red continued killing him on various occasions on different episodes.


To see what episodes Red has appeared in, please go to: Red/Appearances


Post some of Red's most famous quotes at: Red/Quotes


  • Red & Blue have been friends for a long time. In Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada, their friendship's confirmed on Facester.
  • Red has the most references given to him.
  • He hates Broseph, but the feeling isn't mutual, causing Red to kill Broseph every time they meet. So far, he's killed Broseph 4 times.
  • Red has the power of defying gravity (flying) in many episodes.
  • In He Who Shall Not Be Maimed & Role Playas, Red's a knight named Maroon.
  • There are 7 episodes where Red doesn't wear a cap. In Panda Hat, he removes his cap when he talks up a woman, in Flame War while using his flamethrower, his cap doesn't appear, while in Role Playas, in Fang Angels (but was wearing it when he robbed a bank), and in Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada wears a bandana. Also in Adventures of Batman & The Bloser & The Fart Knight Rises, he was seen wearing the Batman ears the whole time. It was probably his hat because there's an extra line there.
  • Apparently, he owns a katana, a hand gun, ninja stars, and a pump shotgun, as they are always usually in his possession.
  • Red is Emperor of the Crimson Empire in an alternate universe, as seen in Attack of the Pwns.
  • He, on the inside, is a very kind person & he cares so much about the people he loves. But this side's only seen in 8 cases:
    • In A Bee or Something Red tries to get Blue a new girlfriend. 
      A Bee or Something 72
    • When Kitty Amazing kills people in the city, Red ends the cat's reign of terror by placing the cat in front of a mirror, which causes the cat to turn to stone.
    • In "Role Playas", Red kills Black because he was attacking Blue. (In the process of saving him, Red shoots Blue repeatedly in the back with his bow.)
    • In "Y U So Meme", he was jealous of Jason (Trollzor) because he "took" his best friend Blue. He pays the Fat Ugly Girl to break Jason's heart to show to Blue that he's an asshole & Red & Blue became best friends again (Red punches Blue in the face as a gesture of forgiveness).
    • In "Attack of the Pwns", Red let Blue live & took the 2 jet packs with him to get out of the escape pod before they died a firey death in the sun (but once they ran out of gas, he left him there to die).
    • In "Lord Tourette's Syndrome", he helps Lord Tourettes find his hat (but only for the treasure).
    • In "Adventures of Batman & The Bloser", he (as Batman) & Blue (as Bloser) defeat Earl Grey & restore the colors of all of the people (including Lord Tourettes) who got their color drained by Earl Grey's bombs.
    • In Terminate-Her! while acting out the terminator and killing anyone name Sarah, Red saves Blue from both possible death & humiliation by killing the slut that was hitting on him. (The slut turned out to be a poly metal alloy killing machine after being thrown out the window.)
    • In "Modern Flame War 3", Red saved the Internet from himself with Blue & Jason (Trollzor) after crashing it while searching for the world's most perfect pair of boobs.
    • In Pleasure Cruise, he tries to save a cruise ship full of people from Gerald Butler's bomb & buys Blue a hot dog. (But if you look closely you can see Red taking the money from Blue's pocket.) 
    • In Kung Fu Winners, Red goes with Blue to the Golden Lotus Dragon to go rescue Pink. (However, Red's only real motivation is that he is craving some chow mien.
    • In Pussy Magnet, Red tries to help Blue overcome his problem with Pink. (He starts by punching Blue in the face, having a threesome in front of him and then giving him dating advice that gets him shot by his girlfriend.)
    • In Brain Switch Red (in Blue's body) tries to help Blue get a job by pooping in his pants and making such dimwitted comments that the interviewer is prompted to ask if he is retarded.
  • In Camp Anarchy, Red revealed that he lost his virginity to a tree.
  • Red's voice has been Auto-Tuned 5 times in the series, "A Bee or Something", "Bath Rhymes", "Clip: Bath Rhymes","Camp Anarchy" & "Losing Streakers".
  • Judging by the picture in the episode Butt Genie, Red's wish is to rule the world.
  • Red's shown to have a talent in making up songs as he makes up an entire song in Bath Rhymes & a little rap in Camp Anarchy & another rap in Attack of the Pwns.
  • He and Blue get into pretty heated arguments that could end up in war as shown in Attack of the Pwns because Red ate the last frozen burrito.
  • Red, in the beginning, disliked Lord Tourettes, but in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, he only helps him for the treasure. In Season 3, he doesn't seem to be disliking Lord Tourettes anymore.
  • As of Fang Angels, he has a criminal record.
  • Red's the captain of the Pina Colada Armada, whose crew consists of himself, Blue (as the lieutenant), Raccoon (as the ship's chef), and beautiful wenches.
  • Red has superpowers, most likely having to do with his alien origin:
  • It's shown in Sex Marks the Spot that he hides his porn mags & boob pics in a temple-like part of his home, because internet doesn't have "the weird stuff".
    • He's a fan of the classic "strange stuff" as well as modern porn, yet no one knows if he doesn't watch Internet porn, but in Modern Flame War 3 he's seen searching the Internet to look for the perfect boobs.
  • Red has shown to be a very good shot in multiple episodes like Modern Flame War 3 & Flame War.
  • It's odd to see how Red wasn't excited for Modern Flame War 3 when in Flame War he killed multiple people for it, however this could be because as Blue said it was just the same game & that he was really busy finding the perfect boobs.
  • He's shown to love Chow Mein in Kung Fu Winners.
  • Red might have had sex with a machine which he reveals in Losing Streakers when he speaks to a slot machine, mentioning to the machine's "mother", to which the machine calls him "Father". 
  • Autotunedisco
    Red sure knows to teach kids to be cool just like himself.
    DragoscorcaAdded by Dragoscorca
    In Pussy Magnet, Red gives Blue advice on getting girls so Blue can impress Pink.
  • Red was born strong with powers & mastery of martial arts in First Day of Cool.
  • In Sex Marks the Spot & Ocho Muerte, Red tends to keep certain things safe by eating them & shitting them out.
  • Red can grow his arm twice as long than a normal character, as seen in Kung Fu Winners.
  • In Taco Tuesday, Red screams that he never has money, which could be true. But in some episodes, he pulls out his own money & actually pays something. Episodes where he paid:
    • In Steakosaurus, when he doesn't want to hear Raccoon's warnings & pays him $50 so that he could give the time machine without any problems.
    • In Chug-A-Chug-A-Brew-Brew, he bribes a barman.
    • Red pays the Fat Ugly Girl to get Blue to stop hanging out with Jason in Y U So Meme?
  • In OMG, he was seen smoking in one of Raccoon's dreams. Because this was a dream, it was unknown if Red really smokes.
  • In Freshman 15, we see that Red can have sex with girls really quickly. For example, in the beginning of the episode, he had sex with 4 girls in only 4 seconds.
  • In The Fart Knight Rises, Red as Batman, we see that he owns a giant floating ship, which he used mostly to see boobs.
    • In the same episode, Red states that what he loves about 4th of July isn't the fact that America defeated Great Britain for their independence, what he loves is the barbecue.
  • In his 1st original appearance, in the unaired Pilot episode, he has a blue cap instead of a red one.
  • In Robot Frog, it shows that Red likes to crap on Blue's pajamas when he's not home.
  • Red seems to enjoy another Mondo show called "Gundarr", since he watches it as if it was porn. He also seems to watch another show on Mondo's channel called "Post Nuclear Family".
  • Red owes Blue $11,271.33 dollars. If not paid, 1 dollar equals 1 punch (as seen in Camp Anarchy).
  • Red is fluent in Spanish (sort of).
  • Red hates to clean.
  • In the movie, we see that Red prefers to eat tiny cell phones instead of sushi.
  • Red has apparently masturbated to Animal Planet, claiming he only did it one time.
  • In the movie, Red hinted that he could be trying to have sex with Pink because of her giving him 'dirty looks'. He even tricked Pink into breathing around his penis in Snowjob.
  • Red can be compared to Joey from Friends, where he sleeps and hooks up with various women, only Red doesn't have the heart or obvious dumbness of Joey.
  • Red's Full first name is Redward.


Movie Gallery

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